Yesterday would have been my great-grandfather’s 118th birthday and my 26th wedding anniversary. The day before yesterday would have been Nana and PawPaw’s 74th anniversary? Whoa.
I was a young thing when I got married, and it only lasted a couple of years. But I will say it was a learning experience. I have no idea where my ex is or what he’s up to. We lost touch ages ago. He wasn’t much of a writer, and that was pre-Internet. (If you’re out there, pop in and say hi.) I’m sure by now he’s certainly remarried and has a few kids. The last time we spoke was when the divorce became final. He was living in Canada, and when I called to congratulate him, he asked, “Oh, you got it?” My lawyers had never contacted him, or maybe they weren’t sure how? Maybe they were just lazy? They misspelled his name at least five times in the divorce papers, obviously not their strong suit. He called me a day or so later to be reminded about what had happened, why it hadn’t worked out. I listed a few reasons. He agreed. Done. But still, I would love to know how his life’s turned out. He was a good egg.
But, yeah, 26 years. Holy crap! I could have kids that old. Or be a … gulp … grandmother! My grandmother could be a great-great-grandmother! I can’t even ….
Do you ever feel that this universe has you on a conveyor belt? It doesn’t matter how much you fight, fidget, laugh or cry, it’s going to turn out like it’s going to turn out. My mom had a tattoo saying something about no regrets. It was a birthday present from me on her 50th.
She did a handful of things throughout her life that she wasn’t particularly happy with, but she felt everything she’d done had taught her something. So, no regrets. I’m sure my grandparents and great-grandparents would have wanted a few things to end up differently too. I can definitely think of a few things in my life, but who knows where I’d be now, good or bad. And right here and now is where I am, not perfect, and still bound to make mistakes, but here.
I’m back on the job hunt, and things are a little different now. I’m a bit older. I no longer live in a big city where jobs, especially remote ones, are easier to find or connections easier made. I haven’t acquired today’s apparent necessary skills – SEO, UX, etc. – some younger jobseekers hold. And my views of life and living are different. Work/life balance is essential. And when looking at job ads, I cringe at anything that includes all caps or the words addicted, obsessed, fast-paced, aggressive or rockstar. In the past three days, I have emailed a handful of friends and former colleagues (still waiting …) and sent my résumé to about 25 job ads and employment agencies. Three companies/recruiters responded with sales jobs. Really? Tell me right now what part of my CV screams “sales” and I will most definitely remove it. I have also swam, watched World Cup matches, cried (just a little), sucked it up, exercised, written, dreamed, scratched things out, signed up for online classes, skimmed French magazines and snuggled up with Tina Fey’s Bossypants. The advice my neighbor just gave me, “Just relax and drink a bottle of French wine.” Not a bad idea he’s got there … not very productive, but still, not a bad idea.
I have also made lists of my skills, companies I’d like to work for, things I don’t want to do and job possibilities. Dream companies, in case you’re reading this, here goes (not in any specific order):
What would my younger self tell me to do? Chuck it all and go work for Club Med. Yeah, did that. What tattoo should I get when I’m 50? Should I paint something today? How much will I write? Is it going to rain? Why do I have so much post-nasal drip? Why do my neighbors always have to go outside to smoke/clear their throats/talk on their cell phones/talk to me when I’m out trying to get some fresh/stale/humid/sticky air? Why is insurance so expensive? Why do water bugs exist? What is the meaning of life? What IS the next chapter for this OBSESSED, ADDICTED, AGGRESSIVE, FAST-PACED LIFE-LIVIN’ ROCKSTAR? I don’t have the answers to any of these questions just yet, but isn’t the anticipation exciting? Whatever it is, all my skills, mistakes, schoolin’, tears, hopes, steps, humor and emails are sure to come in handy, or at least teach me something along the way. The main things I’m ISO: To live in a world …
- Where people are considerate of each other and clean up after themselves
- Where our world leaders set positive, respectful, honest and peaceful examples
- Where commercials (if any) are intelligent and no pop-up ads exist
- Where printed books are all the rage
- Where companies pay creative employees a decent wage/salary
- Where restaurants have lower noise levels, but play better music
- Where D.J.’s and newscasters chill the f**k out
- Where I wake up each morning excited to exercise and eat fruit
Oh, and world peace. What, too much? Yeah, ok, now where’s that bottle of wine?
P.S. Hire me.